校园
US grad schools Personal Statement? He can help!
- 汽车卓班JackLV.工兵
- 2015/11/19 20:48:54
Hi, 我是汽车卓班的同学。
最近一直在申美国的研究生项目，DIY。整个过程比较顺利，就是在个人陈述上遇到一些问题。虽然整体思路把握得当，但是用英文表达，阐释的时候，还是力不从心，因为毕竟不是native speaker。
我的文书在完成初稿以后，找了很多朋友帮忙审读，不乏一些现在在Berkeley.. Columbia的朋友，他们的确给了很多内容上和结构上的建议，但是最后动笔写还是自己，所以写出来之后还是不放心，就让professional institution（我找那家是SW）改，我选的24h加急￥1091，改完我非常满意。但是他们的问题是没有互动，由于拿回来改稿后我又对内容作了修改，再找他们改就又要￥1091。
在找他们第二遍修改的时候距离最早的deadline还有1天半，由于想双保险，我又找了以前一直带我练口语的私教Hans Schwartz（美国加州人）改。最后Hans改出来的结果让我惊艳！这次改动对PS最大的提高在于：段与段之间，句与句之间的逻辑衔接更加自然和地道；重新调整了很多不合理或者有歧义的表达（主要针对句子结构）；对文中的选词做了调整，使之更加专业。我想准备北美留学的同学经历过GRE，应该知道这些要素对一篇argument的重要性。最后在SW的改稿和Hans的改稿之间我选了Hans的，我在submit之前又稍作修改，然后马上email Hans让他帮忙过过眼，找到些小语病，最后就提交了。
虽然未知到结果如何，但是就文书来说，我的看法是＊必须＊找母语者帮忙做深度润色，原因是这种润色不单单是修正语言，而且能够让文章体现出西方的逻辑与思维，对于申请的文书来说我认为至关重要。
所以，在这里我也推荐给大家Hans的editing services。我说过了，其实专业机构也可以，只不过我觉得Hans更加timely，有互动，而且￥600的价格是专业机构互动修改价格的1/3，同学们如果有时间，不妨联系一下我朋友： hans.schwartz@gmail.com。可以做一个更详细的咨询（所有英语材料都可以改）
关于Hans，跟Steve Jobs一代的美国人，家在圣地亚哥。什么LSD，Hippie movement都经历过。40年前是南加大的毕业生，major历史。由于为人liberal，世界各地都逗留过，现居清迈，泰国。一直从事英语教育行业。
关于资历问题，我截取一部分Hans简历中的内容：
“
2013 English Teacher, Turkish-American Association, Ankara, Turkey
Taught English to adults
2013 English Teacher, Human International Academy, San Diego, CA
Taught English to Japanese students for brief summer program
2013 English Instructor, Kuwaiti National Guard, Kuwait City, Kuwait
Taught English to NCO’s and Officers
2012 English Instructor, Rajamangala University of Technology at Lanna, Chiang Rai, Thailand
Taught English for everyday purposes.
2012 Desert Star Weekly, Desert Hot Springs, California
Submitted articles on local events, both cultural and political.
2010-2011 Foreign Expert, International and Public Relations Officer, Mahidol University, Faculty of Public Health
Worked directly with the Dean in composing correspondence, including speech writing. Planning and organizing international conferences involving the World Health Organization and other NGO’s. Worked with faculty members, editing academic papers and publications, and preparing them for oral presentation.
2009-2010 English Teacher, XXIst Century International School, Moscow, Russia
Conversation teacher; prepared students for International Baccalaureate exams.
2007-2009 Lecturer, Mahidol University, Nakorn Prathom, Thailand
ICT Instructor and Course Coordinator for Public Speaking and Business Writing. Responsible for conducting remedial classes in Listening & Speaking, Reading, and Writing in the Pre-College Program for students seeking admission to Mahidol University International College.
2006-2007 English Literature Teacher, Bangkok Christian College, Bangkok, Thailand.
Taught English and English Literature to secondary school students enrolled in the English Immersion Program.
2004-2006 English Teacher, The Language Testing and Training Center, Taipei University, Taiwan
Taught conversation, reading and writing. Developed a resume writing course for business professionals.
...
...
”
So, that's all. 希望大家都能够收获到想要的东西 ；）
Email: hans.schwartz@gmail.com
最近一直在申美国的研究生项目，DIY。整个过程比较顺利，就是在个人陈述上遇到一些问题。虽然整体思路把握得当，但是用英文表达，阐释的时候，还是力不从心，因为毕竟不是native speaker。
我的文书在完成初稿以后，找了很多朋友帮忙审读，不乏一些现在在Berkeley.. Columbia的朋友，他们的确给了很多内容上和结构上的建议，但是最后动笔写还是自己，所以写出来之后还是不放心，就让professional institution（我找那家是SW）改，我选的24h加急￥1091，改完我非常满意。但是他们的问题是没有互动，由于拿回来改稿后我又对内容作了修改，再找他们改就又要￥1091。
在找他们第二遍修改的时候距离最早的deadline还有1天半，由于想双保险，我又找了以前一直带我练口语的私教Hans Schwartz（美国加州人）改。最后Hans改出来的结果让我惊艳！这次改动对PS最大的提高在于：段与段之间，句与句之间的逻辑衔接更加自然和地道；重新调整了很多不合理或者有歧义的表达（主要针对句子结构）；对文中的选词做了调整，使之更加专业。我想准备北美留学的同学经历过GRE，应该知道这些要素对一篇argument的重要性。最后在SW的改稿和Hans的改稿之间我选了Hans的，我在submit之前又稍作修改，然后马上email Hans让他帮忙过过眼，找到些小语病，最后就提交了。
虽然未知到结果如何，但是就文书来说，我的看法是＊必须＊找母语者帮忙做深度润色，原因是这种润色不单单是修正语言，而且能够让文章体现出西方的逻辑与思维，对于申请的文书来说我认为至关重要。
所以，在这里我也推荐给大家Hans的editing services。我说过了，其实专业机构也可以，只不过我觉得Hans更加timely，有互动，而且￥600的价格是专业机构互动修改价格的1/3，同学们如果有时间，不妨联系一下我朋友： hans.schwartz@gmail.com。可以做一个更详细的咨询（所有英语材料都可以改）
关于Hans，跟Steve Jobs一代的美国人，家在圣地亚哥。什么LSD，Hippie movement都经历过。40年前是南加大的毕业生，major历史。由于为人liberal，世界各地都逗留过，现居清迈，泰国。一直从事英语教育行业。
关于资历问题，我截取一部分Hans简历中的内容：
“
2013 English Teacher, Turkish-American Association, Ankara, Turkey
Taught English to adults
2013 English Teacher, Human International Academy, San Diego, CA
Taught English to Japanese students for brief summer program
2013 English Instructor, Kuwaiti National Guard, Kuwait City, Kuwait
Taught English to NCO’s and Officers
2012 English Instructor, Rajamangala University of Technology at Lanna, Chiang Rai, Thailand
Taught English for everyday purposes.
2012 Desert Star Weekly, Desert Hot Springs, California
Submitted articles on local events, both cultural and political.
2010-2011 Foreign Expert, International and Public Relations Officer, Mahidol University, Faculty of Public Health
Worked directly with the Dean in composing correspondence, including speech writing. Planning and organizing international conferences involving the World Health Organization and other NGO’s. Worked with faculty members, editing academic papers and publications, and preparing them for oral presentation.
2009-2010 English Teacher, XXIst Century International School, Moscow, Russia
Conversation teacher; prepared students for International Baccalaureate exams.
2007-2009 Lecturer, Mahidol University, Nakorn Prathom, Thailand
ICT Instructor and Course Coordinator for Public Speaking and Business Writing. Responsible for conducting remedial classes in Listening & Speaking, Reading, and Writing in the Pre-College Program for students seeking admission to Mahidol University International College.
2006-2007 English Literature Teacher, Bangkok Christian College, Bangkok, Thailand.
Taught English and English Literature to secondary school students enrolled in the English Immersion Program.
2004-2006 English Teacher, The Language Testing and Training Center, Taipei University, Taiwan
Taught conversation, reading and writing. Developed a resume writing course for business professionals.
...
...
”
So, that's all. 希望大家都能够收获到想要的东西 ；）
Email: hans.schwartz@gmail.com